At only one other time

...in my 26 years was I this low.

Everything that mattered exploded when I was 15 and I gave myself a few things to start caring about.

I lost one of those 3 new things to care about at 16.

I lost the last 2 just this year, both at the same time.

The gist is so simple: There is no forward.

All the goals, promises, and accomplishments I assigned to myself failed year after year after year after year.

My entire life, my mindset was very powerful and straightforward: no one will help me/fix me/save me BUT ME.

And I lived that way.

Update at age 26 going on 27 very soon:

It turns out, even I cannot help myself. Even I cannot get myself the things I want and even worse the things I need.

What an epic failure, what a total waste, a neglected amazing mass of moving effort and sheer determination to only be stripped of the few things that I still had left to even aim for-

I got closer and closer and the minute those things are touched they are STOLEN away by a past that I had no control over, even the abuse I suffered at a young age, **I** must now be the one to pay for in more than just the psychological way.

When a thing that you never chose, and you overcame, ultimately takes out from under you the ground you are standing on and the only opportunity you had to save yourself.






tinyurl.com/KARMAISATHING
youtube.com/REALNOTPERFECTOFFICIAL

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