Honestly this is just a vent

Hi massive community of readers, writers, talented people, raccoons, and slayers of fictional (and nonfictional) demons.

First off, I apologize that this will be such a mess of a post. I'm not sure why I'm writing this.

This is my message to everyone here (and the world I guess) saying that while I uplift and encourage and show my friends/people I care about that they are so valuable and should never doubt themselves, I'm getting so tired. Yes, I know this feeling is temporary. Yes, I would never choose to be anyone else, or walk around super low vibration/super melancholy all the time; I would never choose to not be positive especially for people I like who doubt themselves.

But at this time I feel like I'm hitting a (maybe) small crisis of, "Why am I always the one encouraging other people?" and "Am I never rewarded for all the time and energy I sacrifice for other people, because that's how it feels?"

Which, I will say, is a contradiction of me on myself- because even I say all the time that people don't owe me anything. I should not expect anything of/from people nor should other people feel entitled to receive any kind of wonderful treatment.

I am that person who loves Disney and Lizzie McGuire and enjoys all of it but simultaneously still knows that these things they show us on a screen are not realisitic.

This is an effed up world, with very effed up people, many of whom harm others who have no voice of their own. I feel tired. I hope some of this made sense. Thank you for all of the kind words I've ever gotten here and thank you to anyone and everyone who even took a moment to look at this.

I'm also dealing with horrible PTSD and I know that I will for the rest of my life. I will always be in recovery from certain things. I get nightmares. Often I just don't want to sleep.

So much is happening and while there are good people in my life, I often just want to sit down and cry.

All of this said, I wish you happiness in whatever form it may be, wherever you are!